Sorry I've been so busy.
My mom came home on Sunday and the past few days have been busy busy busy.
She wasn't able to walk when she came home, she had been bedridden for over a week.
As of yesterday, she is walking a bit more with assistance.
She's eating well and looking better.
Her legs where quite swollen and I spent a good hour working on them yesterday.
Trying to keep my emotions in check and in desperate need of a therapist appt.
Had and ugly blow up last week and still seething from it.
Let's just say, my siblings know I'm not a pushover anymore.
Poor husband never saw me like that and cried afterward.
In the 11 years we've been together, he had never seen that side of me or even thought it was possible.
I guess you can say they " woke a sleeping giant".
Tomorrow I have a RE appt and will probably start my estrogen for this cycle.
I can't blame the hormones for my blow up.
Gotta run
but I'll be back
Got tons of crazy ideas to drop on you later.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Update on Mom 8/28
I have been so busy but I bring good news.
The blockage in my mother's bowel has moved.
The doctors are no longer talking about hospice.
After over a week of not eating, they allowed her to eat Friday and the food has stayed down and taken it's natural course.
She may be coming home tomorrow.
She will have a nurse that visits a few times a week and a physical therapist.
I'm scrambling to get the equipment she might need because she is weak from not having any food for a week.
My husband made it home early on Thursday and I started lupron for my FET cycle.
This morning AF finally showed! After being missing for 2 months or so.
She's here with a vengeance.
I'm ready to get started on some good stuff now!
The blockage in my mother's bowel has moved.
The doctors are no longer talking about hospice.
After over a week of not eating, they allowed her to eat Friday and the food has stayed down and taken it's natural course.
She may be coming home tomorrow.
She will have a nurse that visits a few times a week and a physical therapist.
I'm scrambling to get the equipment she might need because she is weak from not having any food for a week.
My husband made it home early on Thursday and I started lupron for my FET cycle.
This morning AF finally showed! After being missing for 2 months or so.
She's here with a vengeance.
I'm ready to get started on some good stuff now!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Evening Update 8/22
Well, after my post this morning, one of the resident doctors in ICU gave me another horrible call.
First she told me that mom was doing better and stable but then she dropped the heavy stuff on me.
Not really anything I didn't already know, just bad timing for what she termed "routine" paperwork.
She wanted my mother to complete a form stating whether or not she wanted to be put on life support if and when she was no longer able to breath on her own.
She wanted me to discuss this with my mother and complete a form today.
This really kinda knocked me off the last leg I was standing on this morning.
I was a bit stunned and really needed to talk to someone.
Husband was at work in Brazil but spoke with me briefly.
I decided that the only other stable or almost stable person in the family was my younger brother.
I told him what the doctor discussed with me, and told him I would meet him at the hospital.
By the time I arrived at the hospital, which is only 5 minutes away, all my other siblings had already created a storm of idiocracy.
The three oldest had called the ICU demanding answers.
Caused such an uproar at the nurses station, that I was met with "power of attorney" papers and told that I would have to be the representative for the family.
Guess that was there nice way of saying, "the idiots lost their information privileges" only basic information would be given to them and now I had the responsibility of conveying information.
Gee thanks! I tell them one thing and they hear another.
They act as if I was the one who gave her cancer and that it's my fault she's in the hospital.
Mom was doing better and I waited for the specialist.
He didn't make it in, but felt that the bleeding had stopped and my mother could finally eat (liquid diet) after almost 5 days.
They also gave her a mild pain reliever for her stiff back.
I sat in the "quiet" room to call my two eldest siblings only to find out that they were at the hospital and on their way up.
They blew in like a storm. I stayed in the "quiet" room until after they had spoken to the nurse.
When I got to my mother's bed, my sister screamed at me, "you did tell me mom was in pain!"
Okay she just got the pain reliever before you came. She gets sore after the stint procedure, Remember.
She shakes her ponytail, spins around and takes off.
We couldn't find her. She doesn't have a car and her azz ain't walking anywhere.
Somehow she got a ride back to my moms house where she is in seclusion.
WTF
WTF
My mother got to finally eat something.
She was so happy to have all the 'liquid" diet goodies; sherbet, chicken broth, cups of jello, and sprite.
I was afraid she was ingesting everything too fast, but it stayed down and it lifted her spirits.
She looked better instantly.
I left the hospital feeling better that my mom was feeling better but battle scarred by my siblings.
ugh! they are killing me!
I wanted to choke my 52yr old brother's new 29 yr old wife (#4) for just being there. In this situation she is a waste of space. Don't come to see my mother in ICU and bring a laptop and a movie. Any power that came with the position of daughter-in -law was already exhausted by wife number 1, 2, and crazy azz number 3! You go wait by the vending machines. There will be a number 5 in a few years.
Okay, okay okay. thank goodness I have an appointment with the therapist tomorrow.
First she told me that mom was doing better and stable but then she dropped the heavy stuff on me.
Not really anything I didn't already know, just bad timing for what she termed "routine" paperwork.
She wanted my mother to complete a form stating whether or not she wanted to be put on life support if and when she was no longer able to breath on her own.
She wanted me to discuss this with my mother and complete a form today.
This really kinda knocked me off the last leg I was standing on this morning.
I was a bit stunned and really needed to talk to someone.
Husband was at work in Brazil but spoke with me briefly.
I decided that the only other stable or almost stable person in the family was my younger brother.
I told him what the doctor discussed with me, and told him I would meet him at the hospital.
By the time I arrived at the hospital, which is only 5 minutes away, all my other siblings had already created a storm of idiocracy.
The three oldest had called the ICU demanding answers.
Caused such an uproar at the nurses station, that I was met with "power of attorney" papers and told that I would have to be the representative for the family.
Guess that was there nice way of saying, "the idiots lost their information privileges" only basic information would be given to them and now I had the responsibility of conveying information.
Gee thanks! I tell them one thing and they hear another.
They act as if I was the one who gave her cancer and that it's my fault she's in the hospital.
Mom was doing better and I waited for the specialist.
He didn't make it in, but felt that the bleeding had stopped and my mother could finally eat (liquid diet) after almost 5 days.
They also gave her a mild pain reliever for her stiff back.
I sat in the "quiet" room to call my two eldest siblings only to find out that they were at the hospital and on their way up.
They blew in like a storm. I stayed in the "quiet" room until after they had spoken to the nurse.
When I got to my mother's bed, my sister screamed at me, "you did tell me mom was in pain!"
Okay she just got the pain reliever before you came. She gets sore after the stint procedure, Remember.
She shakes her ponytail, spins around and takes off.
We couldn't find her. She doesn't have a car and her azz ain't walking anywhere.
Somehow she got a ride back to my moms house where she is in seclusion.
WTF
WTF
My mother got to finally eat something.
She was so happy to have all the 'liquid" diet goodies; sherbet, chicken broth, cups of jello, and sprite.
I was afraid she was ingesting everything too fast, but it stayed down and it lifted her spirits.
She looked better instantly.
I left the hospital feeling better that my mom was feeling better but battle scarred by my siblings.
ugh! they are killing me!
I wanted to choke my 52yr old brother's new 29 yr old wife (#4) for just being there. In this situation she is a waste of space. Don't come to see my mother in ICU and bring a laptop and a movie. Any power that came with the position of daughter-in -law was already exhausted by wife number 1, 2, and crazy azz number 3! You go wait by the vending machines. There will be a number 5 in a few years.
Okay, okay okay. thank goodness I have an appointment with the therapist tomorrow.
Mom in ICU
Quickly updating
The evening after my mother's surgery to replace a stint in her liver, she began vomiting blood.
Yesterday she was placed in ICU.
The GI specialist said that it may be residual blood from the procedure that could only come up because it couldn't go down.
(because her bowel is still blocked, it came up)
She received a blood transfusion last night and today we will find out if another procedure is needed to locate the source of the bleeding.
I'm very tired and confused.
My older sister freaked out yesterday and refused to go to the hospital to visit my mom.
My stupid oldest brother is of no help.
My 15year old nephew and I looked after her.
My husband is still in Brazil and was robbed of his laptop as he ate breakfast last week.
Need some good news.
The evening after my mother's surgery to replace a stint in her liver, she began vomiting blood.
Yesterday she was placed in ICU.
The GI specialist said that it may be residual blood from the procedure that could only come up because it couldn't go down.
(because her bowel is still blocked, it came up)
She received a blood transfusion last night and today we will find out if another procedure is needed to locate the source of the bleeding.
I'm very tired and confused.
My older sister freaked out yesterday and refused to go to the hospital to visit my mom.
My stupid oldest brother is of no help.
My 15year old nephew and I looked after her.
My husband is still in Brazil and was robbed of his laptop as he ate breakfast last week.
Need some good news.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Please keep us in your thoughts/ UPDATE
My mom's CT scan from yesterday showed an obstruction in her bowel.
We had to take her to the hospital this afternoon.
She will be having surgery tomorrow.
Please keep us in your thoughts.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Just thought I would leave a quick update.
Surgery wasn't done today. Instead tomorrow the stint in her liver will be replaced again. the backup in her liver caused the inflamation and blockage in he lower bowel. With her type of cancer, this stint is the only way to prevent the backup. Unfortunately the last stint was put there a month ago and it was supposed to last for 4 months. the Dr. is great and seems to be doing whatever he can to help. It's too crazy. I'm on a first name basis with to many doctors.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
We had to take her to the hospital this afternoon.
She will be having surgery tomorrow.
Please keep us in your thoughts.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Just thought I would leave a quick update.
Surgery wasn't done today. Instead tomorrow the stint in her liver will be replaced again. the backup in her liver caused the inflamation and blockage in he lower bowel. With her type of cancer, this stint is the only way to prevent the backup. Unfortunately the last stint was put there a month ago and it was supposed to last for 4 months. the Dr. is great and seems to be doing whatever he can to help. It's too crazy. I'm on a first name basis with to many doctors.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Pickles, sweet or sour
First I would like to apologize for not blogging more often.
So much occurs everyday.
Like pickles, some sweet some sour
I keep myself distracted by canning jars of pickles.
This year, my garden is overflowing with cucumbers and I can hardly keep up.
Some days I make sweet pickles.
Some days I make my extra spicy sour dill pickles.
Each day is like the pickles.
Some are slightly sweet but also sour and vinegary
Others are just incredibly sour
This past week the anticipation of a good friend's beta after FET made the days sweet.
I was so sure and so happy for her.
Deep down inside I knew she would get good news.
Each post she made and test she posted really made my day.
Husband was on the verge of two job offers that would finally allow him to be home more.
Laying out his outfits for the final meetings was sweet.
With his current position, he has been traveling abroad 15 days a month every other month for the past 5 years.
Early on, it didn't bother me too much because I was still flying 3 days a week myself.
Afterwards I still managed but with all the sad recent developments, I really need him here.
He accepted a new position on Thursday and we are thrilled!
Sweet!
He had to leave for final engagement, 2 weeks in Brazil, on Saturday.
Despite the fact that I never got my period, the doctor started me on birth control to prepare me for my FET.
This cycle I will be using estrace tablet, estrogen patches, and estrogen injections to try and counteract whatever caused my uterus's strange lack of response I had last cycle.
Trying to mentally prepare myself for the hormone crazies.
Now for the truly sour part of the update.
My mother is not doing so well.
She lost weight after the last infection and is not gaining it back.
The oncologist has decided to stop all chemotherapy.
There is nothing else they can do.
She has a scan this week to determine how bad things are and what can be done to keep her comfortable.
I have excepted this because, what else can I do.
I can only hope to get pregnant with a healthy pregnancy to ease her mind.
My mother-in-law is also ailing.
She has a tumor in her stomach and will begin chemotherapy Monday.
That's a lot of sour stuff to deal with.
I wish I could comfort myself with prayer, but that doesn't work.
I miss the comfort prayer used to bring me.
I wish I could take comfort in my faith but I think that I have to little now.
So much occurs everyday.
Like pickles, some sweet some sour
I keep myself distracted by canning jars of pickles.
This year, my garden is overflowing with cucumbers and I can hardly keep up.
Some days I make sweet pickles.
Some days I make my extra spicy sour dill pickles.
Each day is like the pickles.
Some are slightly sweet but also sour and vinegary
Others are just incredibly sour
This past week the anticipation of a good friend's beta after FET made the days sweet.
I was so sure and so happy for her.
Deep down inside I knew she would get good news.
Each post she made and test she posted really made my day.
Husband was on the verge of two job offers that would finally allow him to be home more.
Laying out his outfits for the final meetings was sweet.
With his current position, he has been traveling abroad 15 days a month every other month for the past 5 years.
Early on, it didn't bother me too much because I was still flying 3 days a week myself.
Afterwards I still managed but with all the sad recent developments, I really need him here.
He accepted a new position on Thursday and we are thrilled!
Sweet!
He had to leave for final engagement, 2 weeks in Brazil, on Saturday.
Despite the fact that I never got my period, the doctor started me on birth control to prepare me for my FET.
This cycle I will be using estrace tablet, estrogen patches, and estrogen injections to try and counteract whatever caused my uterus's strange lack of response I had last cycle.
Trying to mentally prepare myself for the hormone crazies.
Now for the truly sour part of the update.
My mother is not doing so well.
She lost weight after the last infection and is not gaining it back.
The oncologist has decided to stop all chemotherapy.
There is nothing else they can do.
She has a scan this week to determine how bad things are and what can be done to keep her comfortable.
I have excepted this because, what else can I do.
I can only hope to get pregnant with a healthy pregnancy to ease her mind.
My mother-in-law is also ailing.
She has a tumor in her stomach and will begin chemotherapy Monday.
That's a lot of sour stuff to deal with.
I wish I could comfort myself with prayer, but that doesn't work.
I miss the comfort prayer used to bring me.
I wish I could take comfort in my faith but I think that I have to little now.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Due Date of My Angel
Today my little girl would have been due.
Yesterday, while driving to Target, I took the wrong turn and ended up across the street from the hospital.
Didn't think much of it at the time.
If things didn't go so wrong, I would have been heading there to give birth to my baby.
I miss my Anya.
Even though she was with us for such a short time, we were so in love with her.
She brought us so much joy.
She brought us so much hope.
On the ultrasound she was the cutest little butter bean!
When I was pregnant, husband would kiss my stomach every morning while I was sleeping before heading off to work.
One can wonder how you can have so much love for someone you never knew.
She was a gift that was taken away.
We thank her for the weeks of happiness and hope she brought us.
We should have been celebrating her birth today, but I sit here awaiting a call from my doctor.
My period still hasn't started.
I haven't tested since Monday's negative test.
Maybe my body is mourning the loss of what might have been.
Yesterday, while driving to Target, I took the wrong turn and ended up across the street from the hospital.
Didn't think much of it at the time.
If things didn't go so wrong, I would have been heading there to give birth to my baby.
I miss my Anya.
Even though she was with us for such a short time, we were so in love with her.
She brought us so much joy.
She brought us so much hope.
On the ultrasound she was the cutest little butter bean!
When I was pregnant, husband would kiss my stomach every morning while I was sleeping before heading off to work.
One can wonder how you can have so much love for someone you never knew.
She was a gift that was taken away.
We thank her for the weeks of happiness and hope she brought us.
We should have been celebrating her birth today, but I sit here awaiting a call from my doctor.
My period still hasn't started.
I haven't tested since Monday's negative test.
Maybe my body is mourning the loss of what might have been.
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