11 Week Ultrasound Pictures

I was able to get a quick peek at the little ones at my first OB appointment last week.
It wasn't a vaginal ultrasound this time but I think I got some good images.
It still doesn't feel real to me. Still very cautious at times. I almost forget that I am pregnant until I see them on the screen.
I really want a home Doppler but Husband won't let me.
Kinda torn about the First Trimester screening.
Husband doesn't really want the NT scan but will do it.
I'm confused because I heard that there are a lot of false positives and also that the numbers are already skewed because of my age.

I really need some help or feedback about NT scans.
If any of you have experience with it please share.

Sorry my scanner is a bit old.

Baby B

Baby A

11 weeks, First OB appointment

Had my first OB appointment yesterday.
I was a nervous wreck.
I think I've developed examination room anxiety disorder.
Over the past year, my experience with doctors had not been good.
The missed miscarriage
The cancer diagnosis of both of our moms
The chemotherapy appointments, outpatient surgergies, emergency room visits!
Maybe I've developed mental allergy to doctor's offices.

With all this said,
My appointment went very well.
I got to see the babies!
Had a little bit of discolored discharge that the OB checked out that was nothing
But I still was a bit freaked out
So, I got a quick ultrasound and got to see my little ones frolicking.
Thank you God they still were there and doing well.
The OB told me that the odds of miscarriage at this point were very slim.
I feel a bit better but I wish 2nd trimester would be here sooner.
Maybe then it would feel a little more real.

I'll be back tomorrow because I have much on my mind tonight
And I'm distracted by the serious news that a buddy of ours from the forum got bad news from a biopsy result.

Please, if you can send up a little prayer for her and all our girlfriends, sisters, and mothers battling cancer.

10 weeks 1 day..updated with pics

Edit-The tech wasn't able to get a good one pic with both of them in it. Baby A was flipping around and waving its arm. But here are both of them separately!

Sorry I haven't blogged sooner.
It has been a very busy week.
My mom had a regular checkup at her doctor and is doing remarkably well.
Despite being technically in a hospice program she is back to her normal weight and has no jaundice.
We have to have the stints in her liver replaced at the earliest signs on jaundice to stay ahead of the liver cancer.

My mother in law restarted chemotherapy this week as a followup to the surgery she had to remove most of her stomach.

Our moms are so excited about the babies.
It gives them something to look forward to.
It brings so much hope to all of us.

Okay update on the twins

They are doing great.
Baby A is measuring 10 weeks 5 days
Baby B is measuring 10 weeks 6 days
It's a joyous day!

I have to tell you that I was terrified this morning.
One year ago today I was having a d&c for my missed miscarriage.
You can understand.
Hope to get to my computer and post the new u/s pics this evening.
Looks like I'll be snowed in this evening.

Inner Thoughts and Craziness..Edit... Reasonable Apprehension and Anxiety

Had to redo the title. Wiley came up with a much nicer word for my craziness!

Earlier today, I took a quick trip to the thrift store in an attempt to score maternity clothing.
I found nothing. Bah!
You know something, I felt weird, like a creeping trespasser.
I actually felt like I had no right to be looking for maternity clothing.
My body is expanding but my mind is still so narrow.
It is as if my mind is denying what my body is doing.
I cannot button my jeans yet I'm still in a weird type of denial.
Protection mechanism I guess.
Even though I saw that the babies were doing well, something won't allow me to relax and enjoy.
I haven't joined any pregnancy forums or blogs.
I probably never will.
I am an "IF" (infertile) and will always be.
No one could possibly understand this feeling but another woman who has dealt or deals with this.
I am not ashamed that I used IVF.
My husband is very private about this.
If asked, I don't think I could ever deny the path a took or take to achieve motherhood.

Here's a crazy example of how thoughts and fears creep into the subconscious
Last night I dreamt that husband and I were back in Maui,
Oprah was filming a special show on the island and we were given extra tickets to the filming.
It was a black- tie affair and we had our own table.
Oprah made an announcement that she was giving away new Nissans to everyone.
We were overjoyed and told the producers that we were pregnant with twins and this was so needed.
Oprah came over and told us that because we were given the tickets at the last minute, we didn't qualify for the new car.
In the dream,Husband turns to me and says,"Oprah is a bitch!"

Funny how even in my dreams I feel like I am sort of an imposter.
After so many "failures", I don't like to call them that, that my heart and mind is overly shielded.
Crazy ramblings!
Sorry about that it helps to get it out.

Ultrasound 8 weeks 1 day

This is the best pic I could get with both of them in it.
Both babies are doing great and I am so so so overjoyed!!!!
Heart rates are perfect.
I am 8 weeks 1 day
Baby A is measuring 8weeks 4 days
Baby B is measuring 8 weeks 5 days

RE said we are safe to start spreading the news
We decided to keep it private until I make it past the first trimester.

Whew, thank you for the thoughts and prayers.
Suddenly, I am so tired.

Another Long Wait

First I would like to say that maybe I shouldn't blog from my i-phone.
It's embarrassing to find all the typos and erroneous auto-corrects in my posts.
I write from my heart and sometimes the brain doesn't catch everything.
I hope anyone reading can please forgive my mistakes.

Friday is my next ultrasound.
I am so scared.

I don't have much morning sickness. Only a couple of times did I have morning sickness in the morning.

I tend to get the nausea in the evening and have only actually thrown up once.

I've been getting headaches and my bbs are sore.

The night sweats are still plaguing me but I blame it on the pio and suppositories.

Others claim that my belly is expanding rapidly, but I'm not so sure and don't tend to trust that.
With my missed miscarriage a year ago, silly me continued to take weekly belly pics unaware that the baby inside of me had passed weeks earlier.

I take a few pics in the morning only to erase them by noon.

My furbaby is sticking to me like Velcro, can't sit on the couch without her straddling me.
I would like to take this as a good sign.

Husband has all the symptoms I wish I had, nausea, back pain, and heartburn.
He's also extremely amorous, well my husband, "horny".
Out of fear I don't want to engage in intercourse right now.
I try to give him the support his needs in other ways.

Just hoping for the best on Friday and trying not to lose my mind in the meantime.