Well as my monumental birthday approaches I find myself getting the blues.
I hadn't updated, but my FET was cancelled again.
Happened last Friday.
Last week my lining was creeping along and my estrogen levels were through the roof.
RE thinks that lupron and I don't get along as far as suppressing my natural cycle without jacking things all up.
The only silver lining in this whole mess is that by waiting another cycle, I may be able to get some more insurance coverage through my husband's new insurance.
Looks like I have to wait another cycle before bringing my babies home.
Today would have been my transfer.
I would have been lying up and enjoying being "knocked up until proven otherwise"
Instead I meet the big 4-0 with empty arms and an empty womb.
Nothing special planned, as usual.
I wish I could just get away and go snorkeling or scuba diving in the Caribbean.
I have the ability to fly almost anywhere if I want to, but husband can't get away and my mother is just starting hospice.
This may be the last birthday I share with my mother.
Another birthday with empty arms and empty womb.
I usually don't get any gifts for my birthday.
My sister, my nephew, and my mom are the only ones that even notice that it is my birthday.
I make an effort to call, send cards, gifts to other family members on their birthdays, but it seems that maybe they just expect it and don't seem to notice that another year has passed in my life also.
I don't ask for anything from my husband.
He is gift enough for me.
When he asks me, I feel too uncomfortable asking or telling him what to give me.
He's fighting off his allergies to allow me to keep the doggy that I share with my mom, full time now.
That's a big enough sacrifice.
Tried to cheer myself up and treated myself to a mani/pedi and some cheap black leather knee high boots...and a sexy black dress. Still tasteful
The extra estrogen in my system has blessed me with some extra cleavage.
Think I'm gonna try these bad boyz out in that black dress at dinner tomorrow.
Gotta have a little fun whenever I can.
1 comment:
I recently turned 40 and found it pretty depressing, but now that Im here, it doesn't bother me so much, I often forget my age anyway!But mostly because, we are going to get our babies, somehow, someway. I believe we will see our dreams to come to pass. Arriving here didnt come without a lot of panic, and sometimes I still do, from time to time, but usually thats when I lose sight of the bigger picture, of Gods promise to us.
I am so glad you are dressing up for dinner! I bet your one smoking hot 40 year old. Love the black boots you got yourself, you'll have to post pictures! Have a wonderful Birthday Doris, wishing you your hearts desires in the upcoming years, may your blessings mulitply. xoxoxoxxo
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