Friday, September 30, 2011

Things To pass on, From one TTCer To Another

Was thinking about this all week.
I've been trying to conceive for a while.
I've done it naturally, with a few chemical pregnancies.
I've done it with the help of a reproduce endocrinologist, with a chemical pregnancy, and a missed miscarriage.
Just praying that I get a sticky bean the next time.
While I wait for my next cycle to start, I've decided to share some of my experiences.
I've tried just about everything so I guess it is good for me to pass what I have learned through my experiences

I am not a doctor or a paid professional, just a chick passing on my own experiences.

Today let me dump some of the info I acquired during my natural attempts.
Just throwing things out there that I have had some experience with.
Just my personal experience.

Charting and temping
I became a master at this.
I used a paper chart to do this along with the charting software at FertilityFriend.com.

It really works and if you take your temperature correctly, you can really pin-point you ovulation day and unfortunately know when AF is coming by your temperature patterns.

Use a Basal thermometer, keep a paper chart or notepad by your bedside, and try to take your temps the same time everyday before you get out of bed.

Not every woman ovulates on the 14th day of your cycle.
If you know your average cycle length, you can almost estimate when your fertile times are approaching.
I learned that other things can effect ovulation days too, like illness and stress.
These factors can delay ovulation at times.

OPKs can really help with this also.

I would use them about cycle day 9 until I got a positive.

I actually did not use them everyday if the first one was very faint. It got to the point where I would skip a day based on the darkness of the test.

This can help you save money on when purchasing the tests.

This store brand OPKs are very good, much better for me than the Internet strips.
I hardly ever bought the name brands.

Cervical mucus and you body can tell you a lot.
Think of it this way, a seed needs moisture to germinate or fertile ground is moist.
When you CM is like egg white, this can be your sign to get busy.
I also tend to have erotic dreams or feel sexy when I'm approaching ovulation.
Sometimes your husband will become more frisky.
Well, my guy is always frisky bit when I ovulate he's a monster.

To keep things a little fun I would put stickers on my chart for each BD(babydancing) session.
My husband got such a kick getting several stickers in a row.

Supplements

So people swear but different supplements, I think I might have tried them all.
Remember to check with you doctors before jumping on the supplement bandwagon.
Certain meds and conditions may have adverse effects.


Vitex- if you have normal cycles it can make you a bit irregular. Some women claim it to be natural clomid. It can take about 3 months to take effect. For me it too only 4 weeks.
I did feel a difference and it did intensify the feelings I got around Ovulation, much stronger ovulation cramps. My only other side effect was, that it may give you breakouts.
Don't take this if you are doing an A.R.T. cycle. I did get pregnant naturally while using this but had a chem.

Evening Primrose Oil or EPO- It's supposed to help with your cervical mucus around Ovulation.  Some say that you should only take it up to your ovulation time. For me it made me feel very amorous. So I guess it helped in that department.

Fish Oil or DHA- I really don't know what it's supposed to help but I took and still take this on a regular basis. It is sometimes included with prenatal packs. It can also help with inflammation. (I have an old wrist injury. It just makes me feel better.

Vitamin E- this helps with you blood flow. It's good for you heart too, can't go wrong with this. good blood flow and circulation is a plus for your uterus.

81mg aspirin-remember again, check with you doctor.
A baby aspirin a day can be beneficial.
It thins the blood and allows good blood flow to the uterus.
My RE also adds this to my protocols for A.R.T. cycles.
There has to be something to this.

B complex- Not sure what it does but it helped with my moods. TTC can be an emotional rollers coaster.

Prenatals- Good whether you are TTC or not, in my book. I found that the prenatal vitamin formulas contained many of the same vitamins that are in the more expensive super women's formulas.
Just let me put it this way, knock on wood, I haven't had a bad cold or bug in the last 5 years since I started taking them regularly.

CoQ10- Check with you doctors because this can interact with some prescriptions.
I was late getting on the CoQ10 bandwagon but I swear it really helped my eggs quality on the cycle I used it.
I believe it can help really if you are a TTC after 35.
It may benefit your fertility.
The cycle I used the COQ10, I took 200mgs a day.
I ended up with 18 eggs retrieved, 14 mature and fertilized, I never had numbers like this in prior IVF cycle.
My new RE suggest that my husband take 200mg a day and his sperm count did increase also.
It can be expensive, so I try to buy it online at Swansons or Sam's club.

DHEA- Some doctors frown upon this and it isn't always available over the counter.
Some doctors actually prescribe it during A.R.T. cycles.
I started taking it during my last IVF cycles. I ordered it online at Swansons after reading about a woman over 40 who took it during her IVF cycles to reverse her premature ovarian aging. She had very good results. Many take it 25mg 3x a day for the three months leading up to TTC.
I took it leading up to my last IVF cycle and successful retrieval.
I think it worked but the verdict is still out in the medical community.

Vitamin D!!!-Get tested! After my last m/c I went to the family doctor. She used to practice women's health in her old country and brought up the topic of vitamin D. Women with vitamin D deficiencies can have trouble conceiving or with m/cs. It is also important in the body's absorption of calcium. I was tested a showed to be greatly deficient in this vitamin. You can read more here or google it for yourself.
http://natural-fertility-info.com/fertility-vitamin-d.html
I know take 10,000mgs a day per my doctors instructions and try to safely get sunlight during the day.


I know this is getting a bit long so I make another post soon.
Hope to follow this with what I've learned about A.R.T. cycles

Please feel free to comment if you would like to share some of your own experiences with Charting and Supplements.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Birthday Blues

Well as my monumental birthday approaches I find myself getting the blues.

I hadn't updated, but my FET was cancelled again.
Happened last Friday.
Last week my lining was creeping along and my estrogen levels were through the roof.
RE thinks that lupron and I don't get along as far as suppressing my natural cycle without jacking things all up.

The only silver lining in this whole mess is that by waiting another cycle, I may be able to get some more insurance coverage through my husband's new insurance.

Looks like I have to wait another cycle before bringing my babies home.

Today would have been my transfer.
I would have been lying up and enjoying being "knocked up until proven otherwise"

Instead I meet the big 4-0  with empty arms and an empty womb.
Nothing special planned, as usual.
I wish I could just get away and go snorkeling or scuba diving in the Caribbean.
I have the ability to fly almost anywhere if I want to, but husband can't get away and my mother is just starting hospice.
This may be the last birthday I share with my mother.

Another birthday with empty arms and empty womb.
I usually don't get any gifts for my birthday.
My sister, my nephew, and my mom are the only ones that even notice that it is my birthday.
I make an effort to call, send cards, gifts to other family members on their birthdays, but it seems that maybe they just expect it and don't seem to notice that another year has passed in my life also.

I don't ask for anything from my husband.
He is gift enough for me.
When he asks me, I feel too uncomfortable asking or telling him what to give me.
He's fighting off his allergies to allow me to keep the doggy that I share with my mom, full time now.
That's a big enough sacrifice.

Tried to cheer myself up and treated myself to a mani/pedi and some cheap black leather knee high boots...and a sexy black dress. Still tasteful
The extra estrogen in my system has blessed me with some extra cleavage.
Think I'm gonna try these bad boyz out in that black dress at dinner tomorrow.
Gotta have a little fun whenever I can.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Waiting To Exhale?

In this TTC (trying to conceive) journey, when can you catch your breath?
When do or can you feel safe?

When you have suffered many losses, many almosts, and many BFNS, it's not easy to let go and enjoy the ride.

You hold your breath through the TWW (two week wait)
You hold your breath while waiting for the urine to pass over the test strip
You hold your breath for those 5-7 minutes afterwards
When you are finally able to get that BFP, you sometimes still can't enjoy a cleansing breath

With A.R.T. cycles; clomid, injectables, IUI, IVF, FET, it's like a horrible roller coaster ride before you can even get to the TWW!

Peaks and terrifying valleys can await you on the ride.

With my A.R.T. cycles there was the sometimes thrilling buildup
How many follies do I have? How many were retrieved? How many were mature?
How many were fertilized? How many are left? How good are they?
How many to transfer? Any to freeze?

Whoosh, then you have the egg transfer.
The creeping TWW.
Its like the creaking drive mechanism pulling you up the biggest hill of the ride.
Will you be exhilarated?
Will you pee your pants?
Will you cry with joy or with sadness?
Is this the end of the ride or is it the first of many spirals, twists, and turns?

When you get that BFP when can you feel safe and enjoy the ride?
For some it is that wonderful fluttering of a heartbeat.
For some it is that wonderful moment you pass into your 2nd trimester.
For some it is after the amnio ,CVS, or NT scan.

I wonder when will I finally exhale.
How long will it take for me to enjoy my pregnancy when it finally happens?

I'm finally feeling something about my upcoming FET and it's not a good feeling.
Maybe it's the estrogen talking but I almost want to back out and never try again.
This is so scary.

Maybe seeing a couple freaking out and running into my RE's office last week triggered these thoughts in me. She had started spotting and was in a full panic. I could feel her terror. Another car pulled up into the parking lot, out jumped what look to be her sister. She grabbed the panicking woman and held her. Told her everything was going to be alright. I almost couldn't sign in at the desk. I was so full of emotion for her.
I have been her.
They rushed them back into the ultrasound room.
As I sat in the lab getting my blood drawn, I sent up a prayer for them.
I don't ever what to be that again.

I pray that all of you reading my crazy blog won't ever have to face that.

I hope that all of you get to the top of that big hill and laugh with delight.

Ride that roller coaster and get your BFPS, your healthy heartbeats, your healthy babies!

I hope that your ride is filled with exhilaration and glee, not sadness or panic.

I'm getting cold feet standing here in line waiting for the ride.

Maybe I'll just settle for the Ferris wheel.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

A Little of That, Brain Garbage

Days fly by but my cycle is creeping.
I've been preparing my body for my FET.
My transfer is scheduled for Sept. 22nd., the day before my birthday.
The cocktail this time is potent.
POTENT!!

Recipe for Uterus Deluxe

2 Estrace tablets vaginally, 3 times a day
2 Estrogen patches every three days
.3 mg estradiol Valerate injection every three days
5 units of lupron once a day


Now stimming for a fresh cycle is difficult with all the hormones and injections, but all this estrogen is making me a nut case!!!!

My insides are cramping and my emotions are all over the place.
If this doesn't give me a good uterine lining I will lose it.
I will really lose it!

My estrogen overload has me in a bit of a daze and I'm struggling to keep my emotions in check.

Today I was at my "Dr. Feelgood's" office for a quick followup.
He shares his offices with two therapists and on Thursdays the small  waiting room can be a bit cramped.

I was waiting in line to talk to the receptionist.
The desk is very close to the door and if you are the second person in line, you will get hit if it opens.
So, I try to stand where I can glance over my shoulder from time to time just to be safe.

I wasn't aware that the guy in the seat closest to the door thought I was giving him the eye.
Took a seat and the guy is staring at me.

"Okay", I think to myself, "we all have our problems maybe that's his".

It was then that I realized that "OOPS! Dude thinks I was checking him out."

"just ignore him, you'll be out of here soon."

Another patient in the waiting room arrived for her first appointment with a entourage.
She had two guys with her that had no idea how to behave in a waiting room full of people seeking emotional help.

And for her, you didn't need a doctor to tell you, she had a serious attitude problem.
The two guys were " checking out" each woman and making comments out loud.

Took a deep breath.

Then they attacked the candy canister by the magazine stand.
One of the guys took the container to his seat and the three of them emptied the candy into their pockets.
One of them said, "offices like this can afford more candy"
WTF!

I could feel my and everyone else's anxiety level rising.
We were feeding off each other's uneasiness about the situation.

Not good.

When my time finally came around to see the doctor, he couldn't find my chart!
I've seen this doctor on and off for a few years and a lot since my miscarriage in January.
My chart was missing!

After five minutes of the staff tearing the place apart to find my file, it was located filed under my first name. Spent the majority of  my 5 minute followup telling the doctor how his new patient was disrupting the waiting room.

As I paid my co-pay and got ready to leave, dude at the door was ogling me again.
As I turned to leave, he was all smiles.
"You have a good weekend, and I wish you the best of luck." he says.
Thank you.

I got out of that office as fast as I could!

I'm not leaving the house again today.

With all the hormones and my mother's health I haven't begun to worry about this new cycle.

Haven't even thought about what might be next if this cycle fails.

Gonna have one last glass of wine this evening and try to take it easy.