Friday, May 20, 2011

Does God Take Care of Fools?

The old saying "God takes care of fools and children" has been running through my mind.

Maybe its because I am having such a difficult time dealing with recent events occurring this week.

We took my mother to the oncologist yesterday.

She has bile duct cancer of the liver.

It is not curable. It is only treatable to keep it from spreading and to also alleviate some of the symptoms.

She will have to undergo chemo-therapy in the next few weeks to elongate her life.

In the back of my mind I knew this would be a possibility and tried to prepare myself for this.

I wasn't prepared enough.

My heart stopped, my hearing shutdown, and I could no longer feel my body.

My mother, looked at me and almost screamed my name.

I must've looked like I was about to hit the floor.

All I could say.

"We're going to be alright Mama. We're going to be all right."

She said, " I know we will."

It difficult to even type this right now.

I told my sister the news as we waited for our mother to finish blood tests.

She freaked out but reacted the only other way she knew how.

"What are we going to eat for lunch?", she said

I made it through yesterday the only way I know how.

Lately, I've just been taking it one day at a time. Living each day as it's own and not tomorrow's.

Didn't eat much at all yesterday, an order of french fries

But I finished off half a bottle of wine.


Now let's get back to the topic "God takes care of fools and children"

My oldest brother, who has been married 3 times, sent out invitations to his 4th wedding this week.

Yes, Here comes wife number 4!

Since being laid off from his long time management position and divorce, 2 years ago he has been living at my parents house and not contributing at all. He doesn't even do housework or yard work.

My mother allowed him to stay because it's such a large house and she couldn't turn one of her children to the streets.

He and his fiance have been running a religious gifts business and website for the past several months.

Neither of them have a steady job and now they are planning a Wedding on June 4th.

It has been decided ,or at least I have decided, that they will not live at my parents house after the wedding.

The two seem oblivious to this.

Inside the invitation are cards that direct you to the website "honeyfund.com".

Listed on their wedding registry are requests for $3000 in airfare, $1000 in hotel accommodations, and $2000 more in extras such as tour, dining, and transportation costs.

At the bottom of the list, they are requesting $10,000 to start their new life together.

Yup request one hundred-$100 pledges for their new home.

Oh and also they also registered at BED BATH AND BEYOND!

My older sis questioned them about it.

Their response, "It is our blessing that is about to come through"

Ohhhhhhkay! UMMM? WTF!!

You know as stupid as this all seems,

I BET THEY WILL GET IT!

Too many times I have seen idiots come out on top!

Why won't this logic work for those of us who aren't idiots?

Why is it that no matter how much we believe, we end up with the short end of the stick?

If God takes care of the Idiots, what becomes of the rest of us?

Why do I watch my wonderful bright and brilliant "sisters in infertility" be denied a child in their arms, when an idiot like my older brother has six children?

Six children that view him with contempt for being an absentee father.

Why did my idiot potsmoking former friend conceive and give birth to 3 healthy children naturally even with a reproductive system that is twisted and scarred from STDS?
Edit- I almost forgot, she had a late term abortion too.

I'm struggling with all of this.

I desperately need and want my mother to hold my child in her arms, and now the clock is ticking so much louder.

The beat of the clock is unbearable.

2 comments:

Kim said...

Oh my gosh Babatte, I don't even know what to say, It is a constant struggle to understand all the why's and hows of this world. And there is no answer, it's just not fair. I just found out that another oops 40 year old pregnancy (friend of a friend) is smoking pot during her pregnancy. Thats right! And why and how on God's green eart do we not get babies?! It will never make any sense to any of us, I don't think.

I am so sorry about your mother. After all the pain of the last few years of IF I cant even imagine how it feels to be dealing with your moms illness, and to be told it's terminal, its no wonder you didint pass out.

I am sending you lots of love my friend. I wish I could embrace you and tell you everything is going to be ok. It's sweet that you take such good care of your mom, I know she loves you for it. Praying for her and you my friend. xoxoxoxox

Kez71 said...

hugs Babette..it sure does seem like the stupid people win a lot of the time. Who is going to tell your bro they will not be living in your moms house? It will be interesting to see if they do get all that cash..if i was going to someones 4th wedding, id just get a vase as a gift!!

Im soo sorry about your moms diagnosis. She is a fighter. I really hope the chemo keeps it from getting worse. Hugs n kisses xxxoo