Today was my post IVF consult with my doctor.
The day started off badly before the day could even start.
I woke up at 5am from one of my recurrent "apocalyptic" nightmares.
As far back as I can remember, I've had recurring nightmares of disasters and doomsday type situations.
When I was younger it was a monstrous storm approaching and not being to escape.
Now, in my old age, its more dire situations. In these dreams there is no escape and I spend most of the dream trying to prepare for my own death.
In my latest nightmare, I kept dropping to my knees attempting to pray but I couldn't remember the words.
In the dream, I eventually came to the conclusion that there was nothing after death but nothingness.
There was a moment of fear, I died, and there was nothing.
I jolted awake with my heart pounding so hard my ears were ringing.
It was horrible.
When I was younger I used to keep a dream journal and would scan my many books on dreams to decipher the meanings.
Haven't touched these books in years. There is no need to pick apart my nightmares.
My subconscious is dampening my dreams with the dark thoughts and feelings I try to avoid in waking life.
I somehow managed to drift back to sleep only to be awaken by thunder and the beating of rain against my window.
Rain was coming down in buckets and I wasn't looking forward to the drive to the doctor's office.
I white knuckled it all the way there.
Streets were flooded, traffic signals were out, and cars were skidding across intersections
Really wasn't in the mood for this meeting.
My hands were shaking as I signed in with the receptionist.
Had to pull myself together. Didn't want to hear anything negative this morning.
Doc was very pleasant. I suspected that he would try to push me into another "fresh" IVF cycle.
In fact he started the conversation in what seemed to be that direction.
He said "I'm tempted to twist your arm" but just stopped with that train of thought.
Maybe my looking frazzled and worn changed his mind.
Doctor stated that it was my best cycle despite a negative outcome and that I had excellent frozen embryos to transfer.
He stated that the frozen embryos are a much better grade than what was transferred during my fresh cycle.
He gave me close to a 50% chance of getting pregnant with a frozen embryo transfer.
I will start lupron next week, followed by estrogen patches, estrogen pills up my "woohoo", progesterone suppositories and PIO after transfer.
Looks like my transfer may be on June 30th five days after my 5th wedding anniversary.
In the past five years, my husband and I haven't been able to ever consummate our anniversary due to work travel schedules and IUI/IVF cycles.
We didn't even get to do the deed on our wedding night.
(I passed out after the reception. NOT MY FAULT. Husband made me take that one last shot of vodka)
Looks like this may be our lucky year! LOL!
Starting to ramble again.
Looks like the sun is finally peeking through!
Jumping right back onto the horse that threw me!
Onto my Frozen embryo transfer!
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