It's late.
I'm so tired.
Got a migraine, again.
Please excuse my crazy ramblings, typos and grammatical errors.
Sorry I didn't update sooner, but my FET cycle was cancelled.
My lining never got thicker than 6mm and then got thinner despite my big estrogen numbers.
RE decided to cancel my cycle, give my body a chance to reboot and start again next cycle.
I was very disappointed that day and decided to try to enjoy that weekend with my husband and my little doggie.
We bought her a doggie life vest to aid in her swimming.
She loved it. I even uploaded a video of her first swim in the big kids pool.
Show it to you in a post soon.
Waiting for the witch, aunt Flo, monthly visitor.
She's MIA right now.
Somehow I got the stupid idea to test.
Once again another stark white test stared back at me.
Even think I got a yeast infection a couple of days ago, but I also suspect the cheapo toilet paper I got on sale last week.
Now I remember why I always stuck to the good brands of toilet paper.
Husband left for a 2 week business trip to parts of Europe on Saturday.
He didn't want to go and woke up that morning with a terrible cold and congestion.
Sunday afternoon I met with my therapist who stated that I was handling all the stress quite well.
I guess I'm a good actress or maybe I really am handling it well.
Who knows
This week got off to an unpleasant start.
Monday morning a fast moving storm raged through the area knocking down power lines and paralysing the area.
Mom had an appointment with her primary care physician which was 2 blocks away from her house.
I had no power, mom had no power, and I came to find out that all the medical centers in her insurance group had no power.
Mom had a slight temperature and was told to go to the nearest Emergency Room.
Doctors diagnosed her with a UTI gave her antibiotics and sent her home.
Thank goodness the power was restored. Even today there are areas that still haven't been restored.
Wednesday
Took mom to the oncologist office for her next round of chemo.
Oncologist told us that another CT scan needed to be performed before she could do another round.
Oncologist not sure if chemo is helping or making things worse for mom.
Chemo cancelled.
This didn't sound like good news.
Thursday
Mom felt well enough to walk to her followup appt at the primary care doctor.
Her temperature was normal, heart rate normal, etc , etc.
I met with Dr. Feelgood, my psychiatrist, I see him every few months whenever I am on anxiety medication.
I've been on and off anxiety meds since a chemical pregnancy in August of last year.
He also thought I was handling my anxiety quite well.
Am I or am I about to really lose it?
I felt quite good by this afternoon.
Loaded my doggie into the car to head over to Mom's for the afternoon.
Spotted a garage sale a few blocks from my house.
Got a book self for 102 year old antique books and a ornate table from the 1920's for $20.
Happily doggie and I made our short trek to Mom's.
As I parked in front of the house, my cellphone rang.
It was my sister and she didn't sound too good.
With the doggie under my arm, I dashed up the front stairs and into the house.
I found my sister in tears and my mother lying in the bed with a thermometer in her mouth.
Her temperature had reached 103F.
Prior to my arriving, my mother had become ill and collapsed in the bathroom.
My big sis had carried her into the bedroom.
Just hours earlier, she had a normal temperature at the doctor's office.
It was so sudden!
I knew we had to get her to the hospital.
We got a wash pan , cleaned her, got her dressed and pinned her long locks into a bun.
She kept refusing to go to the hospital.
She was too weak to walk.
I knew that the emergency room at the hospital would be full as usual.
It would be better to let her be taken by ambulance.
That way she would get taken care of right away.
I couldn't risk getting there and having mom pretend to be feeling fine.
They would have probably given her some Tylenol to lower her fever a bit and have her wait in the lobby for a few hours.
Ambulance number 29 arrived at the front door quickly.
The last time an ambulance was at my parent's front door was when my father collapsed and died in the living room over17 yrs ago.
That ambulance was ambulance number 29.
My legs went numb, starting from my toes and all the way up.
I had to keep my cool.
My big sis was crying and my favorite nephew(grandma's boy) was freaking out.
My sister rode with my mom and my nephew and I drove slowly, stunned, shocked, and carefully to the hospital in silence.
I don't like ambulance number 29.
She was admitted to the emergency room right away and began receiving treatment.
Another infection
I think this is common with liver cancer.
She stabilized and was admitted to the hospital this evening.
This is the 4th time in the last three months.
She is so tired.
I hate to see her suffer like this.
At the moment,I sit here typing in a strange condition.
So tired of so much
so much
so much
Are these the times when God is supposed to be carrying me?
I feel so alone and lost.
I look back at how I felt on New Year's day.
I was pregnant, my mom was doing and feeling fine, and this year held so much promise.
These would have been my final weeks of pregnancy and my little girl would have been born soon.
Instead, it has been month after month of pain and suffering.
This year really sucks.
I look forward to the few hours of sleep tonight.
What will tomorrow bring?
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