Another Long Wait

First I would like to apologize if my last post seemed a bit strange.
I had let anxiety get the best of me.
The Internet can be a dangerous place for a woman who's battled infertility.
For every good story you find there are two sad.
I'm a little hesitant to relax even with good beta numbers.
I start to overanalyze everything.
Its like being afraid to exhale and enjoy the moment.
I worried because my numbers only doubled every two days,when unread that other women's betas may have tripled.
I began to worry that my high numbers may be a sign of a genetic defect.
Basically, I almost lost my mind in a few short hours.
That darn infertility demon tried to get hold of me.
I'm feeling a bit better and trying to relax.
Trying...but I constantly run to the toilet to check if I am spotting.
Darn progesterone suppositories make me feel messy all day but I haven't spotted since 12dpo or 7 dp5dt.
Even though spotting is normal according to the hand out the hit RE gave me, I am terrified that it may occur.
Took another hpt this afternoon, the test line was darker than the control line.
You would think that would calm my crazies down.
Nope!
My ultrasound is a week away but it feels like years.

Almost exactly a year ago I was in low beta hell with my last pregnancy.
I heard that babys heartbeat for the first time the week before Christmas last year.
That ended in a missed m/c at almost 12 weeks.

I pray to God for peace, faith and patience.
I just want to know everything's going to be alright.

In pray to God for peace and patience.

Please excuse my junky posts, I'm using my phone.