Its that time again, time for my annual exam at the gyno.
You would think that with all the medical folks going in and out down there in the past few months, that someone would have save me the trouble and did a damn pap-smear.
Goodness, I should feel like a floozy with all the actions my lady parts have been getting in the past few months.
Constantly keeping my ladyscaping in presentable order. Trim and proper.
Just like me prim and proper.
My OBGYN is part of a large practice. It takes up two floors in an office building. Today the waiting room was full again.
All this proper living is getting me down!
I usually sit in the waiting room with that pleasant look on my face that I perfected after many years of being a flight attendant. I usually smile at expecting couples and try not be judgmental of their circumstances.
In the past I wouldn't let it get me down because I always felt my time was coming. My blessing was waiting for me.
But today I began to battle with myself.
Clean living! Bah!
Waiting until I was married and secure to try to start a family. Bah!
Smiling and pushing those envious evil feelings away. Bah!
The little bitch in my blood was stirring today!
I found myself looking at the couples in the waiting room and counting how many had wedding bands on and how many didn't.
I look at the woman with one in her arms and one in her belly, nope no wedding band!
I found myself staring at a well dressed woman who was coughing all over the place without covering her mouth. I pull the collar of my sweater over my nose and mouth without even realizing.
And what's with all the dang baby magazines. Can an infertile like me get a "People" magazine!
I get to the examination room and the nurse updates my file on the computer.
I know the drill. Undress from the waist down and wait on the table.
Then I wait. The only thing to keep me busy is pamphlets on Birth-control and laser hair-removal.
Sometimes If you are lucky, the nurse forgets to close out the computer and you can scroll through your medical file.
Why shouldn't I be able to scroll through? It doesn't tell me anything I don't already know!
I almost expect that maybe they put in little side notes to warn the doctor.
I expect to see, THIS BITCH IS CRAZY!!! or something like that.
No luck, she logged off this time.
So I'm bare azz sitting in the cold examination room staring at a blank wall.
I remember once years ago going to the gyno and there was a poster on the ceiling of condoms around the world. Now that was entertainment!
I was feeling rebellious today. I hopped off the table holding the paper towel skirt they give you and decided to look in the cabinets. What the heck do they keep in there anyway?
Oh latex gloves and more paper skirts! Too bad my purse is so small. Needed some gloves for cleaning.
In comes the doctor. Polite chit chat follows.
Such a good patient am I. I need no direction. I know exactly how to get into position and where to hang my azz off the table.
She feels me up and violates me with the wooden spatula. Pap-smear Done.Annual exam complete without anyone knowing how bitchy I really was today!
Does that even count? My attempts at being evil go unrecognized.
Does that even count? My attempts at being evil go unrecognized.
1 comment:
LOL, im sure it does count..cos now we know!! Did the doc catch you looking in the cupboard??LOL classic!
Here in Australia we have to get a referral to see the gyno..its not someone you can just go and see like a normal GP..i find it odd how you guys can see one anytime. Here they are concidered a specialist and specialist have to have referrals or else you don't get any money back from medicare. for our papsmears our GP's do it! Just thought id share!
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